I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
