you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
