does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
