What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
