I bet he comes in French.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
