Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
is it fun? or sober?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
