I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
