paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
