I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
