I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
