all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize