Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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