Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
