It was confusing and full of hummus
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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