you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude i'm inner monologue high
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
