It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
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Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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