that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
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