i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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