Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
