jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
