3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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