They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
