yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
