I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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