her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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