im six kinds of drunk right now
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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