I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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