He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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