I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
