What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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