I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
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It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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