He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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