Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
