I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
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walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
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Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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