I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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