so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
