I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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