Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
