I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
