I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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