apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
