he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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