Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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