I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
