There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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