He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
