One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
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