I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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