During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
