Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
