Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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