the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
