over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
