What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
