I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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