to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
