also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
