Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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