That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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