Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
