i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
