For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
