"it" just moved
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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