Are we in a gay sports bar?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
