So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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