I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
